damm, its been like forever since i edited the last entry..
FYI, i busy wif the other blog where i keep updated my writings..
and thanx god "journeys from plain eyes" reach it chapter 10..
and thanx for the readers feedback..and yeah this kinot gurlz that im promise her
im promise to her to mention her name in here..
well, lets just says, its a deal going bad..
i've to conclude all the plot of the "JAFPE" in here..
as the readers know, "feriz" just lose his dad and struggling for his addiction..
and in the chapter 8 - 9 his GF found him at his almost died from bleeding because cutting his wrist due to the suffering of the addictions.. and at the end chapter 9 his GF cant stand taking care of "feriz" anymore when "feriz" yell at her to stop mumbling as her voice are really loud in his head due to his "conditions".. then at chapter 10, readers are being shocked when both of them break up.. yup, the perfect couple are breaking up (thats life, just dealt with it pttf~) "kieesh" leave him bcoz she cant stand the situations nymore.. "feriz" decided to take another choke on the coke when he see's "kieesh" room empty that nite.. to bad for "feriz" those chinese coke cracker are 80% pure products and he overdosed immediately.. lucky for him, someone arrive.. let just says that someone is from the past..and his best friends..
said that after this, that someone will help "feriz" getting clean after "feriz" decided to run away from the hospitals that nite.. that someone also help him to move along as after chapter 10, there will be more suicided-trying scene.. and.... trust me u dont want to know more..
p/s: thanx for the readers of "JAFPE" to not commented here and post it in fb status or make it public.. the problems is, not all of u could accepts the story as it just the stories i've make wif my ex's... chaow ow san~
Friday, August 12, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
1month plus
its already more than 1month... and there is a lot to say to u... why do we stop talking to each other?? i hate this kind of situation but then again, its me who create this situation.. i dont know why i acting this way.. i dont want to hurt u, but still i dont want my self to get hurt.. if only u understand.. people told me "u should let it out, let her know how u feel".. huh~, been there, done that.. trust me its better to hold it againts ur self.. y?? bcoz i lost N that way, i regreat it till today.. i dont want to tell her anything, i want her to know by her self.. i tired of those empty 3 words. i dont need anything.. i just want to spent some quality time with her.. stuck in here, surround by fools.. huh~, i need a fresh air badly, hate this non smoking air tasting smoke like place.. this shipwreck rooms never make me at home.. and this feelings make me feel the pressure of living even worse.. just wishing i not turning into zombie or some one will shoot my head.. there again, out of topic... duh~~, need those chemical soo badly..
Sunday, June 5, 2011
2 jun 2011.
the day when my dear father pass away.. i wrote poems each after another for him, i wish he can read this but i wish more that this date will never come.. to many things are fly away quickly..but why does this feeling inside my heart that i lock away for myself are not fly away like all others things..people see im smiling im laughing, but do they really know how i feel? im pretending im happy, but it because it is so easy for me to cry.. and know i want to share with all my friends the poems about losing him.. maybe this poems can help u guys to know how precious a father is.
So many things we never got to do
So many conversations we never got through
I feel lost and empty now
Every day I ask, how?
I could feel nothing when you died
I felt I wanted to run and hide
Run and hide cause I felt blind
Peace and and clarity I couldn't find
They say when you die your soul just flies away
I wanted to chase your soul, so for another day you could just come and stay
You were my Grams, you taught me how to stand on my own
Now that you’re gone, I feel as though I can’t do it alone
I've tried so hard to see things through and become the person you wanted me to be
Sometimes it’s just so hard being me
I'd give anything if I could just talk to you once more
To see you walk through the door
and tell me that everything was going to be alright for sure
When I look into the sky I picture you staring down
Which is why I have no reason to frown
All the things you taught me, all the songs we use to sing
Now you’re gliding under God’s precious wings
I hope He’s taking good care of you because now you’re in His place
I hope all your worries and all your fears have left your face
I never got so say goodbye that was the worst part
But I know that when you left secretly you said goodbye to my heart
So when I lay myself into bed tonight
I know you'll always be there to hold me tight.
I will never say goodbye to you my Father
cause I know this is not the end for us to see each other.
You will only be going to a place where there’s no pain nor suffering.
I am happy for you, for you will be with God.
For now we need to go in separate ways.
I remember how your arms hold me and give me strength.
You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything.
You were my very best friend.
In my triumphs you were always proud.
I’m very grateful and proud to call you my dad.
Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be.
I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time.
I remember the last time I hold you’re hand and how you looked at me in the eyes.
If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go.
I felt the world stops and my heart stop beating when they told me you’re gone…….
How I wish I was only dreaming.
Just like the rain; tears fell down from my eyes, I couldn’t speak for a while.
Thank you Dad….
For always understanding, listening , caring, and loving me for the rest of your life.
The greatest gift God gave me was YOU…….. my Dad…
It’s difficult to let you go but I must…
I must return the gift God gave me…
Till then;
See you in Heaven………
So many things we never got to do
So many conversations we never got through
I feel lost and empty now
Every day I ask, how?
I could feel nothing when you died
I felt I wanted to run and hide
Run and hide cause I felt blind
Peace and and clarity I couldn't find
They say when you die your soul just flies away
I wanted to chase your soul, so for another day you could just come and stay
You were my Grams, you taught me how to stand on my own
Now that you’re gone, I feel as though I can’t do it alone
I've tried so hard to see things through and become the person you wanted me to be
Sometimes it’s just so hard being me
I'd give anything if I could just talk to you once more
To see you walk through the door
and tell me that everything was going to be alright for sure
When I look into the sky I picture you staring down
Which is why I have no reason to frown
All the things you taught me, all the songs we use to sing
Now you’re gliding under God’s precious wings
I hope He’s taking good care of you because now you’re in His place
I hope all your worries and all your fears have left your face
I never got so say goodbye that was the worst part
But I know that when you left secretly you said goodbye to my heart
So when I lay myself into bed tonight
I know you'll always be there to hold me tight.
I will never say goodbye to you my Father
cause I know this is not the end for us to see each other.
You will only be going to a place where there’s no pain nor suffering.
I am happy for you, for you will be with God.
For now we need to go in separate ways.
I remember how your arms hold me and give me strength.
You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything.
You were my very best friend.
In my triumphs you were always proud.
I’m very grateful and proud to call you my dad.
Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be.
I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time.
I remember the last time I hold you’re hand and how you looked at me in the eyes.
If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go.
I felt the world stops and my heart stop beating when they told me you’re gone…….
How I wish I was only dreaming.
Just like the rain; tears fell down from my eyes, I couldn’t speak for a while.
Thank you Dad….
For always understanding, listening , caring, and loving me for the rest of your life.
The greatest gift God gave me was YOU…….. my Dad…
It’s difficult to let you go but I must…
I must return the gift God gave me…
Till then;
See you in Heaven………
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
its not LOVE
awak rasa berdebar bila berjumpa dengannya? itu SUKA
awak rasa tak boleh lepas dari memandang sidia? itu NAFSU
awak pilih dia sebab dia selalu disisi? itu KESEPIAN
awak terima dia kerana awak tak sanggup melukakan hatinya? itu SIMPATI
awak sanggup tinggalkan minat kerana dirinya? itu BOHONG
BUKAN CINTA.....
credits to fiq leplep..
awak rasa tak boleh lepas dari memandang sidia? itu NAFSU
awak pilih dia sebab dia selalu disisi? itu KESEPIAN
awak terima dia kerana awak tak sanggup melukakan hatinya? itu SIMPATI
awak sanggup tinggalkan minat kerana dirinya? itu BOHONG
BUKAN CINTA.....
credits to fiq leplep..
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I'm getting older
i'm once a kids..
a fool who had going on a journey..
taking baby step in this cruel world..
then im grow older..
im cross the black path..
i live in sinity..
the sinity that make me crawl with the fallen..
the fallen that makes me growing even stronger..
becoming the king of my own world..
the dark world of the stupidity..
fear nothing and become un-bealiver to the reality..
then god himself send me a message..
a message the reaper bring..
the death come hugging me..
to show me the way to the door of the 7th hell..
the hell that ignites by the fallen creeps..
luckily im smarter that death..
the reaper fool by the fools once again..
licking on the shadow of the innocent..
im going to the journey..
the journey that not make me grow older..
yet make me more mature and wiser..
now looking back at the journey..
how i never had a regret on a small things
life are precious and not to wasted..
now im looking back on my experience
the experience that taught me great things..
now how i could "sigh" at the problem..
how i could step back and thinking clearly, soberly..
now im on the next journey..
the final journey...
the journey to removing "las plagas" from body..
the "las plagas" who eating me alive inside out..
now the time to stop the pains..
the pains i carry since i was the fallen..
dear god, help me..
give me strength for me to walking..
to walk this last journey..
amin~
a fool who had going on a journey..
taking baby step in this cruel world..
then im grow older..
im cross the black path..
i live in sinity..
the sinity that make me crawl with the fallen..
the fallen that makes me growing even stronger..
becoming the king of my own world..
the dark world of the stupidity..
fear nothing and become un-bealiver to the reality..
then god himself send me a message..
a message the reaper bring..
the death come hugging me..
to show me the way to the door of the 7th hell..
the hell that ignites by the fallen creeps..
luckily im smarter that death..
the reaper fool by the fools once again..
licking on the shadow of the innocent..
im going to the journey..
the journey that not make me grow older..
yet make me more mature and wiser..
now looking back at the journey..
how i never had a regret on a small things
life are precious and not to wasted..
now im looking back on my experience
the experience that taught me great things..
now how i could "sigh" at the problem..
how i could step back and thinking clearly, soberly..
now im on the next journey..
the final journey...
the journey to removing "las plagas" from body..
the "las plagas" who eating me alive inside out..
now the time to stop the pains..
the pains i carry since i was the fallen..
dear god, help me..
give me strength for me to walking..
to walk this last journey..
amin~
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
REMEMBERING U BRING ME PAIN..
never i imaging someone will remind me of u... and never i thought that someone was ur own sister....nisa mohammed, i thought i already over u,but i guess i wrong... why u still there?? in my heart... it hurts me a lot to remind u...y do i have to fall for u... sakit en biler kiter syg org tue sgt2 then org tue tgglkn kiter..just for a silly mistake.. even times pass, i still cant over u.. even da pg 213km dr ko,aku still igt kt ko... mayb psl aku x pnah bg ati aku spenuhnye kt org lain slain ko... babe,i miss u.... argh~..luv sucks kn?????
Monday, January 10, 2011
MISSING MY DEAR BABY SOOOO MUCH~
ahhh...seda x seda da 2weeks da aku stuck kt sini.... and mlm ni lak ssah btol aku nk tidow...rumate yg laen sume da lebur abis..tggl adam jewk g stady math... tggu die balik bru aku plan nk tidow..n time nga tggu tue aku pown isap r rokok...lyn feeling nye psl ttbe tringat kt mrs aish a.k.a. olivia...hurm~,miss giler kt babe aku yg sowang niee..
babe, miss u..miss u..miss u lol........... nk hug~~~~~~ (gurauan aku ngn die)..hahaha..... wat pe r die skrg en... planing cuti sem nie nk lepak genting ngn die..lame owh x g honeymun ngn die....yayunk ku shengal nk g singapore tp passport mati hahaha.... kalau la dpt jumpe skunk nk hug kuat2 xnk lepas seyh... maner x nyer..start die nk nek sem ri tu asyik bergaduh jewk.... tp biler da jauh cm ni, rindu lak....masalah2.....
aper yg aku nk cakap skrg kalau die boley dega???? mesti lah " bb love yayunk sgt2 ok"..hahaha....jiwang r siak...tp xpe kalau jiwang ngn gurl sendri..bkn nye aku mngayat saper ern.... aper aku nk pesan kt die?? mesti lah "yayunk jgn risau..bb x cri lain r kt sini..just mind ur stady k"....huhuhuhu...nyway, i need u k babe...XOXO my olivia lol...olivia shengal jgn main matahari byk sgt k...psl bb tau yayunk skew sgt maen pantai ern...hahaha...
babe, miss u..miss u..miss u lol........... nk hug~~~~~~ (gurauan aku ngn die)..hahaha..... wat pe r die skrg en... planing cuti sem nie nk lepak genting ngn die..lame owh x g honeymun ngn die....yayunk ku shengal nk g singapore tp passport mati hahaha.... kalau la dpt jumpe skunk nk hug kuat2 xnk lepas seyh... maner x nyer..start die nk nek sem ri tu asyik bergaduh jewk.... tp biler da jauh cm ni, rindu lak....masalah2.....
aper yg aku nk cakap skrg kalau die boley dega???? mesti lah " bb love yayunk sgt2 ok"..hahaha....jiwang r siak...tp xpe kalau jiwang ngn gurl sendri..bkn nye aku mngayat saper ern.... aper aku nk pesan kt die?? mesti lah "yayunk jgn risau..bb x cri lain r kt sini..just mind ur stady k"....huhuhuhu...nyway, i need u k babe...XOXO my olivia lol...olivia shengal jgn main matahari byk sgt k...psl bb tau yayunk skew sgt maen pantai ern...hahaha...
tidow dalam bus ialah hobi ku
pelik ern tidow dlm bus jd hobi..but thats the truth... ader jewk peluang..mmg comfirm aku tidow dlm bus...nikmat die laen mcm owh....biler ko bgun, rse sega best jewk....hahaha
aku start tidow dlm bus dr form 1 lg..bler dduk asrama..then balik kg nek bus,mesti lelap lar... time uh aku stady kt KT,so nk ke JB tue ader gak r dlm sejam klau x jem... kene lak time uh naek bus cosway or maju..aircond x igt....sampai meleleh gak r air liur en...tp slalu gak aku terlepas bus-stop psl da nyenyak sgt...
then bler aku pindah skola, hobi aku nie betukar mnjadi tidow dlm klass... n hobi aku nie slalu gak r kne kacau... aku igt lg time uh form 4..nga sdap tidow, penyu(klasmate aku) kaco aku...n aku bgun trus mgamuk 1klass...almaklum r,nga sdp mmpi,ttbe de org kaco..mane x nyer...mcm gorilla gak r aku..tendang krusi meje sumer...hahaha...x bley blah igt balik...
pastu bler aku kje kt SP,tiap2 kli balik mesti aku lelap dlm bus..kdg2 smpai jusco TC bru terseda...kdg2 sampai berdengkur(xbley blah)..mner x shadan,mmbe sebus aku pening tgok aku....n skunk aku da travel jauh2..perlis,melake,perak,penang,kl, n mcm2 lg (aku x ske travel,tp byk gak aku travel tmpt org).. so,bler dlm bus..comfirm kondem...aishhh,mcm mner lar nk tukar habit aku..
aku start tidow dlm bus dr form 1 lg..bler dduk asrama..then balik kg nek bus,mesti lelap lar... time uh aku stady kt KT,so nk ke JB tue ader gak r dlm sejam klau x jem... kene lak time uh naek bus cosway or maju..aircond x igt....sampai meleleh gak r air liur en...tp slalu gak aku terlepas bus-stop psl da nyenyak sgt...
then bler aku pindah skola, hobi aku nie betukar mnjadi tidow dlm klass... n hobi aku nie slalu gak r kne kacau... aku igt lg time uh form 4..nga sdap tidow, penyu(klasmate aku) kaco aku...n aku bgun trus mgamuk 1klass...almaklum r,nga sdp mmpi,ttbe de org kaco..mane x nyer...mcm gorilla gak r aku..tendang krusi meje sumer...hahaha...x bley blah igt balik...
pastu bler aku kje kt SP,tiap2 kli balik mesti aku lelap dlm bus..kdg2 smpai jusco TC bru terseda...kdg2 sampai berdengkur(xbley blah)..mner x shadan,mmbe sebus aku pening tgok aku....n skunk aku da travel jauh2..perlis,melake,perak,penang,kl, n mcm2 lg (aku x ske travel,tp byk gak aku travel tmpt org).. so,bler dlm bus..comfirm kondem...aishhh,mcm mner lar nk tukar habit aku..
Friday, January 7, 2011
My love is a bulletproof love but u the one shoot me.....
a song i hear when im sad from breaking up and stuff...... actually this song is quite sad if phm lyrics die yg quite dark...but somehow this songs seems a happy song..guitar die simple tp agak memberangsangkan psl if dga rse cm nk sway ikowt rentak jewk....story about cm ne a boy thn love die tp at the end girl tue yg break kn love diowang...yeah, my love is a bulletproof love but u the one shoot me.... anyway, listen up and enjoy k...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
glasses owh glass......
its been 3years im wearing glasses...tp bru2 nie aku mule rse xselese pkai glass... npe ek???? im can feel my eyes tired wearing glasses....erm.... tp x pkai x nmpk sgt lak....cm ne nk mengusha awek if x nmpk mke ern...ahahaha... kesitu lak....
wat mase nie aku just pkai time class or time mmbace jewk... agak r boring kbyakan class aku coz many of the subject i take is theory subject..hurm~~~...da x de nk mlukis2 daaaaaaa.... tp aku still drawing if ader mase... ye r,utk hilang ngantok dlm class ern...mane x ngantok, byk lec bg lect mcm syok sendri lak aiiii.......pk2 balik risau gak aku....satu pe x masuk otak...tmbh2 ngn rse mate aku yg letih.... aku mmg rse cm nk tidow smpai kuar air lior jewk ern....
erm, aku rase mcm nk tuko frames r.. nk pkai style nerdy2 lak ern.... bru streo love...nk pkai lens mmg x r....ssh giler kowt... nyway, all that is still in planning... cm ne ek...da nek pening da owhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~
wat mase nie aku just pkai time class or time mmbace jewk... agak r boring kbyakan class aku coz many of the subject i take is theory subject..hurm~~~...da x de nk mlukis2 daaaaaaa.... tp aku still drawing if ader mase... ye r,utk hilang ngantok dlm class ern...mane x ngantok, byk lec bg lect mcm syok sendri lak aiiii.......pk2 balik risau gak aku....satu pe x masuk otak...tmbh2 ngn rse mate aku yg letih.... aku mmg rse cm nk tidow smpai kuar air lior jewk ern....
erm, aku rase mcm nk tuko frames r.. nk pkai style nerdy2 lak ern.... bru streo love...nk pkai lens mmg x r....ssh giler kowt... nyway, all that is still in planning... cm ne ek...da nek pening da owhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
PhORtoNOgraphy
its been a while since aku menceburi bidang photography...all thanks to topek yg meracun2 aku utk blaja berkamere.....why i love to take pictures?? it is the only lies that last forever.. even kite sedey cm ne pown, kite cume perlu smiles skali jewk dlm pic, then beribu2 org tgok mke kite, diowang akn ckp kite appy lappy dappy.... and i love to lie..... so its a convenience things for me.... and pic sntiase boley edit... thats y laaa kiter nengok rmai yg chantek2 hensem2 dlm pic tp in reality....... korang yg penah rse korang yg tau.... and skrg nie aku tgah nk membeli D3000.... acab nk jual...so, hopely die sep DSLR tue utk aku........ LOVE LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY.......
im sorry for everything i did......
after that day i never sleeps well... wake up in the mid-nite just because dreaming of everything I did to u kill me slowly inside out.... i wish we were never meet.. i wish u would never feel those bad things i did to u.. and i know the last thing u want to hear from me is "sorry".. but if for a second u stop hating me.. for a second u try to figure out things, u understand why im running away,faster than i could ever imagine from u..stop hating me, let me go... move on k babe..... i know u happy now, and its make me a little relief..... but dont push me harder than u can.. u dont know me......... by now,u should know what i capable of...so, plzz.. im begging u to stop remember me... its ok if u want to pretend im death by now.... because i deserve it.......
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
IM MISS YOU DAMN MUCH~~.....
listening to eyes set to kill- let me in,remind me of u..... never before i love someone like u.... remembering ur smile,ur lough,ur hug,ur kiss makes me cry....even days,months have past..still u in my heart... u leave me when i need u the most...i remember the 1st time i meet u.. u just nothing except ordinary..hell,im seen girls more beautiful than u before.. so,i never pay attention at u for the 1st week u start working there.. but then something happen..somehow,i getting know u better..we become closer... then, i realize how beauty u r inside.. in times, i starting to fall for u... the closer we get the more i like u... u were special, u were my dream girl... 21th/8, u become mine... how i thanks to god.. everyday i values life more when i with u... i know u the one..i know this will be the last.. spending the days with u were never dull for me..u make me feels great.. then something stupid happen on your birthday.. im sorry for that nite, sorry for yell at u,sorry for being mad at silly things.. how silly i were to choose over eat than u..im sorry... but u still could smile to me the next day..how mature and understanding u were..how i feels shame at my self... then the boss came into pictures, and with him, everything become a mess.. yeahh thanks alot Mr.J.... u ruined us... at that time,we never have time for our relationships... and those seduction u make for me make laugh sometimes... i cant stand how i miss u..so i make an action..MC,ahh~~ (how i silly i were)... just to have sometimes for u and me to spend with... but unfortunately, we were surrounded by backstabber..and one event leads to another, Mr.J finds out.. i got fired, but whose care..its ok because i have u... its worthy for me... but guess what.. u the one who ask Mr.J to fired me...thanks a lot~~... then u want to end our relationships...damn, never see that coming..... now,im alone trying to find the one that could replace u..but guess what, i cant...im to deep in love with u...know u happy with him.... and hopefully u stay happy,while im here still heartbreaking and trying my best to forget u....
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