those memories we cheers

damm, its been like forever since i edited the last entry..
FYI, i busy wif the other blog where i keep updated my writings..
and thanx god "journeys from plain eyes" reach it chapter 10..
and thanx for the readers feedback..and yeah this kinot gurlz that im promise her
im promise to her to mention her name in here..
well, lets just says, its a deal going bad..
i've to conclude all the plot of the "JAFPE" in here..
as the readers know, "feriz" just lose his dad and struggling for his addiction..
and in the chapter 8 - 9 his GF found him at his almost died from bleeding because cutting his wrist due to the suffering of the addictions.. and at the end chapter 9 his GF cant stand taking care of "feriz" anymore when "feriz" yell at her to stop mumbling as her voice are really loud in his head due to his "conditions".. then at chapter 10, readers are being shocked when both of them break up.. yup, the perfect couple are breaking up (thats life, just dealt with it pttf~) "kieesh" leave him bcoz she cant stand the situations nymore.. "feriz" decided to take another choke on the coke when he see's "kieesh" room empty that nite.. to bad for "feriz" those chinese coke cracker are 80% pure products and he overdosed immediately.. lucky for him, someone arrive.. let just says that someone is from the past..and his best friends..
said that after this, that someone will help "feriz" getting clean after "feriz" decided to run away from the hospitals that nite.. that someone also help him to move along as after chapter 10, there will be more suicided-trying scene.. and.... trust me u dont want to know more..

p/s: thanx for the readers of "JAFPE" to not commented here and post it in fb status or make it public.. the problems is, not all of u could accepts the story as it just the stories i've make wif my ex's... chaow ow san~

1month plus

its already more than 1month... and there is a lot to say to u... why do we stop talking to each other?? i hate this kind of situation but then again, its me who create this situation.. i dont know why i acting this way.. i dont want to hurt u, but still i dont want my self to get hurt.. if only u understand.. people told me "u should let it out, let her know how u feel".. huh~, been there, done that.. trust me its better to hold it againts ur self.. y?? bcoz i lost N that way, i regreat it till today.. i dont want to tell her anything, i want her to know by her self.. i tired of those empty 3 words. i dont need anything.. i just want to spent some quality time with her.. stuck in here, surround by fools.. huh~, i need a fresh air badly, hate this non smoking air tasting smoke like place.. this shipwreck rooms never make me at home.. and this feelings make me feel the pressure of living even worse.. just wishing i not turning into zombie or some one will shoot my head.. there again, out of topic... duh~~, need those chemical soo badly..

2 jun 2011.

the day when my dear father pass away.. i wrote poems each after another for him, i wish he can read this but i wish more that this date will never come.. to many things are fly away quickly..but why does this feeling inside my heart that i lock away for myself are not fly away like all others things..people see im smiling im laughing, but do they really know how i feel? im pretending im happy, but it because it is so easy for me to cry.. and know i want to share with all my friends the poems about losing him.. maybe this poems can help u guys to know how precious a father is.

So many things we never got to do
So many conversations we never got through
I feel lost and empty now
Every day I ask, how?
I could feel nothing when you died
I felt I wanted to run and hide
Run and hide cause I felt blind
Peace and and clarity I couldn't find
They say when you die your soul just flies away
I wanted to chase your soul, so for another day you could just come and stay
You were my Grams, you taught me how to stand on my own
Now that you’re gone, I feel as though I can’t do it alone
I've tried so hard to see things through and become the person you wanted me to be
Sometimes it’s just so hard being me
I'd give anything if I could just talk to you once more
To see you walk through the door
and tell me that everything was going to be alright for sure
When I look into the sky I picture you staring down
Which is why I have no reason to frown
All the things you taught me, all the songs we use to sing
Now you’re gliding under God’s precious wings
I hope He’s taking good care of you because now you’re in His place
I hope all your worries and all your fears have left your face
I never got so say goodbye that was the worst part
But I know that when you left secretly you said goodbye to my heart
So when I lay myself into bed tonight
I know you'll always be there to hold me tight.

I will never say goodbye to you my Father
cause I know this is not the end for us to see each other.
You will only be going to a place where there’s no pain nor suffering.
I am happy for you, for you will be with God.
For now we need to go in separate ways.
I remember how your arms hold me and give me strength.
You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything.
You were my very best friend.
In my triumphs you were always proud.
I’m very grateful and proud to call you my dad.
Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be.
I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time.
I remember the last time I hold you’re hand and how you looked at me in the eyes.
If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go.
I felt the world stops and my heart stop beating when they told me you’re gone…….
How I wish I was only dreaming.
Just like the rain; tears fell down from my eyes, I couldn’t speak for a while.
Thank you Dad….
For always understanding, listening , caring, and loving me for the rest of your life.
The greatest gift God gave me was YOU…….. my Dad…
It’s difficult to let you go but I must…
I must return the gift God gave me…
Till then;
See you in Heaven………

its not LOVE

awak rasa berdebar bila berjumpa dengannya? itu SUKA
awak rasa tak boleh lepas dari memandang sidia? itu NAFSU
awak pilih dia sebab dia selalu disisi? itu KESEPIAN
awak terima dia kerana awak tak sanggup melukakan hatinya? itu SIMPATI
awak sanggup tinggalkan minat kerana dirinya? itu BOHONG
BUKAN CINTA.....

credits to fiq leplep..

I'm getting older

i'm once a kids..
a fool who had going on a journey..
taking baby step in this cruel world..
then im grow older..
im cross the black path..
i live in sinity..
the sinity that make me crawl with the fallen..
the fallen that makes me growing even stronger..
becoming the king of my own world..
the dark world of the stupidity..
fear nothing and become un-bealiver to the reality..

then god himself send me a message..
a message the reaper bring..
the death come hugging me..
to show me the way to the door of the 7th hell..
the hell that ignites by the fallen creeps..

luckily im smarter that death..
the reaper fool by the fools once again..
licking on the shadow of the innocent..
im going to the journey..
the journey that not make me grow older..
yet make me more mature and wiser..

now looking back at the journey..
how i never had a regret on a small things
life are precious and not to wasted..
now im looking back on my experience
the experience that taught me great things..
now how i could "sigh" at the problem..
how i could step back and thinking clearly, soberly..

now im on the next journey..
the final journey...
the journey to removing "las plagas" from body..
the "las plagas" who eating me alive inside out..
now the time to stop the pains..
the pains i carry since i was the fallen..
dear god, help me..
give me strength for me to walking..
to walk this last journey..
amin~

REMEMBERING U BRING ME PAIN..

never i imaging someone will remind me of u... and never i thought that someone was ur own sister....nisa mohammed, i thought i already over u,but i guess i wrong... why u still there?? in my heart... it hurts me a lot to remind u...y do i have to fall for u... sakit en biler kiter syg org tue sgt2 then org tue tgglkn kiter..just for a silly mistake.. even times pass, i still cant over u.. even da pg 213km dr ko,aku still igt kt ko... mayb psl aku x pnah bg ati aku spenuhnye kt org lain slain ko... babe,i miss u.... argh~..luv sucks kn?????

MISSING MY DEAR BABY SOOOO MUCH~

ahhh...seda x seda da 2weeks da aku stuck kt sini.... and mlm ni lak ssah btol aku nk tidow...rumate yg laen sume da lebur abis..tggl adam jewk g stady math... tggu die balik bru aku plan nk tidow..n time nga tggu tue aku pown isap r rokok...lyn feeling nye psl ttbe tringat kt mrs aish a.k.a. olivia...hurm~,miss giler kt babe aku yg sowang niee..



babe, miss u..miss u..miss u lol........... nk hug~~~~~~ (gurauan aku ngn die)..hahaha..... wat pe r die skrg en... planing cuti sem nie nk lepak genting ngn die..lame owh x g honeymun ngn die....yayunk ku shengal nk g singapore tp passport mati hahaha.... kalau la dpt jumpe skunk nk hug kuat2 xnk lepas seyh... maner x nyer..start die nk nek sem ri tu asyik bergaduh jewk.... tp biler da jauh cm ni, rindu lak....masalah2.....

aper yg aku nk cakap skrg kalau die boley dega???? mesti lah " bb love yayunk sgt2 ok"..hahaha....jiwang r siak...tp xpe kalau jiwang ngn gurl sendri..bkn nye aku mngayat saper ern.... aper aku nk pesan kt die?? mesti lah "yayunk jgn risau..bb x cri lain r kt sini..just mind ur stady k"....huhuhuhu...nyway, i need u k babe...XOXO my olivia lol...olivia shengal jgn main matahari byk sgt k...psl bb tau yayunk skew sgt maen pantai ern...hahaha...